Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
