Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
