Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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