I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
