Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
