After last night, I could never be a politician.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
