exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
