When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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