At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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