That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
