I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
