OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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