he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
