is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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