I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
