Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
