you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
