u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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