Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
