can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
