hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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