He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
