"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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