What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
