how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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