Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I smell stomach acid.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
