I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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