i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
