i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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