You're my little dorito
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
one might say we're banned from that church
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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