the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
