Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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