so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
