its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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