oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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