he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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