I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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