i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
accomplished twins. life is a go
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
