Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it wasn't lemon gatorade
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
