fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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