Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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