i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
