I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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