No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
