defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
