Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
