Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
