just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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