Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hippo gnu deer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
