i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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