hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
