I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
