so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
