like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
