between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
