shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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