I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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