Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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