I met the friendliest cop last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
