The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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