i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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