oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
