i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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