have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
