Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
