I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
