It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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