ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize