hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
