Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Boobs are out for the taking
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
