just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
