In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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