his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize