Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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