I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
