He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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