Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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