it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize