I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
