also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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