Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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