hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
