So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
