I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
