how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
